Exhibition Quality

Bonsai are always (in a perfect world) shown or exhibited in pristine condition. There are many examples of these exhibitions in Australia and around the world, some famous examples are:

Kokufu Bonsai Ten – Japan [1]

Noelanders Trophy – Europe [2]
A lot of planning goes into this. Sometimes the preparation starts months and months before a showing. The process of getting a bonsai tree ready for showing is time consuming, detailed and precise.

For an idea of this process see Graham Potter’s video - View here on YouTube [3]
http://www.youtube.com/user/GrahamWPotter

It does however create a somewhat false impression of the image of a bonsai tree (speaking personally about my trees) quite often they are overgrown, needing TLC, pots full of weeds, in need of re-potting, etc.
In fact it would be detrimental to the health of the tree to keep them in 'show' condition all of the time.

Having an illness (CFS) that has been ongoing for some time, I have at times felt like I am ‘on show’ when I go out in public, or see friends and family. It’s very similar to exhibiting bonsai trees – when I go out ‘on show’ I want to be seen at my best, this on reflection is for a few reasons:
- It’s nice to pretend even if for a short time that everything is ok
- I don’t want people to worry about me
- It’s easier to put on a show than explaining to people, over and over again about my illness
- My own vanity

But behind the scenes (just like exhibiting Bonsai) it takes a lot of effort to put on good show when faced with (CFS). The behind the scenes for my personally to put on a good show are actually quite precise, planned and not very exciting. For me it works like this.
Basically I have a limited store of energy (physical and mental) and i need to divide it up to accomplish what i need to do day to day, week to week. For example if i need/want to be out for a few hours on a Saturday i need to plan to rest the day before, and not plan as much for the day after. This assumes that I’m sleeping ok and not sick, if that’s the case then it’s just a case of surviving day to day. This process of planning and pacing i will talk more about in another post.

There are of course downsides to this ‘exhibition /show’:
- It takes much preparation and often doesn’t work to plan
- It gives people a false impression of how things really are and how i am coping
- People outside of daily contact with me my only ever see the ‘exhibition/show’ and can wonder if the CFS illness is even real or just a story or imagined
- It’s really a lie, its untruthful and dishonest

I hope to keep working on these issues and be able to somehow reconcile the difference between the two eventually.

Like all Bonsai this too is a work in progress


Sean



[1: www.phoenixbonsai.com]
[2: www.bonsai4me.com]
[3: www.kaizenbonsai.com]

A Small Life

"I live a small life. Well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do i do it because i like it or because i haven't been brave?" [1]

___________

I'm often left feeling like this.

I do live a small life.

Not by design, not through choice, but through circumstances that are outside of my control.

I know its not because 'I like it' or because I'm not brave' but still I am left with a small life just the same.

My day to day activities are shaped by my capabilities and abilities (just like anyone else) but both of these have been seriously reduced and are somewhat erratic, and in some cases even lost all together. This is at the center of my fight with 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' (CFS) Ongoing, persistent, unrelieved fatigue. Wanting to do and achieve many things but being constrained in the means to accomplish them.

It feels like a fight sometimes, just like a war (I'm hoping to not sound too dramatic) some days I have a win maybe even a few, and feel like I have taken ground - moved forward, then other days its like taking 10 step s back again - retreating and losing ground.

Bonsai has in many ways kept me sane, and my mind active.

Like I have previously said I also see Bonsai as a metaphor in may ways to my situation.

Living a small life.

Small, but valuable.

Living a Bonsai life.

Bonsai trees like their 'natural' cousins are fully developing trees. If you took a Bonsai tree out of its small container and planted it into the ground it would quickly develop into a full size tree, the same as one which seed has been sown in the ground.

Bonsai trees are very healthy (if cared for well) they are pruned, shaped, watered, fed, re potted regularly, and in many cases can outlive their 'cousins' by hundreds of years. Bonsai trees may be able to be traced back through many many generations and be quite valuable.

Just because a Bonsai tree (or person) is of a small size, or is restrained, does it make it any less worthwhile or valuable? No it makes it different, something I'm sad to say has taken me a very long time to learn.

[2] -pictures opposite used with permission

There is a vast differecne betwen different and worthless, between useless and valuable. it has taken thought, reflection, time, much time, for me to be able to say that while

yes my abilities and capabilities are restricted, and i may not be able to achieve all of my plans, hopes and dreams. the life that i lead, the relationships that i have are valuable, and i mustn't - cannot allow my values to be dictated by the 'size' of my abilities.

I dearly love Bonsai - the beauty of a tree in nature, scaled down to a vibrant, healthy tree in a container, a tree restricted in its growth rate, but different, yet valuable in its own an unique way.

A Small life

A Bonsai life

A Life truly worth living (in all its restrictions)

[1: Film: You've Got Mail]

[2: Bonsai pictures used with kind permission from 'Pup' from AusBonsai.com.au]