I have heard Bonsai descibed in many ways - art, horticulture, minitrisation, illusion, even torture.

Bonsai trees that are well kept are extremely vibrant and healthy, and in many cases will long out live their 'natural' family - many bonsai can be traced through many generations and can be 100's of years old.

Personally for me bonsai is not only a passion, but its also a metaphor: My personal experience with my health (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) has many parrells with bonsai, I hope to explore these in this Blog.


Saturday, July 2, 2011

A Small Life

"I live a small life. Well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do i do it because i like it or because i haven't been brave?" [1]
___________
I'm often left feeling like this.
I do live a small life.
Not by design, not through choice, but through circumstances that are outside of my control.
I know its not because 'I like it' or because I'm not brave' but still I am left with a small life just the same.
My day to day activities are shaped by my capabilities and abilities (just like anyone else) but both of these have been seriously reduced and are somewhat erratic, and in some cases even lost all together. This is at the center of my fight with 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' (CFS) Ongoing, persistent, unrelieved fatigue. Wanting to do and achieve many things but being constrained in the means to accomplish them.
It feels like a fight sometimes, just like a war (I'm hoping to not sound too dramatic) some days I have a win maybe even a few, and feel like I have taken ground - moved forward, then other days its like taking 10 step s back again - retreating and losing ground.
Bonsai has in many ways kept me sane, and my mind active.
Like I have previously said I also see Bonsai as a metaphor in may ways to my situation.
Living a small life.
Small, but valuable.
Living a Bonsai life.
Bonsai trees like their 'natural' cousins are fully developing trees. If you took a Bonsai tree out of its small container and planted it into the ground it would quickly develop into a full size tree, the same as one which seed has been sown in the ground.
Bonsai trees are very healthy (if cared for well) they are pruned, shaped, watered, fed, re potted regularly, and in many cases can outlive their 'cousins' by hundreds of years. Bonsai trees may be able to be traced back through many many generations and be quite valuable.
Just because a Bonsai tree (or person) is of a small size, or is restrained, does it make it any less worthwhile or valuable? No it makes it different, something I'm sad to say has taken me a very long time to learn.
[2] -pictures opposite used with permission
There is a vast differecne betwen different and worthless, between useless and valuable. it has taken thought, reflection, time, much time, for me to be able to say that while
yes my abilities and capabilities are restricted, and i may not be able to achieve all of my plans, hopes and dreams. the life that i lead, the relationships that i have are valuable, and i mustn't - cannot allow my values to be dictated by the 'size' of my abilities.
I dearly love Bonsai - the beauty of a tree in nature, scaled down to a vibrant, healthy tree in a container, a tree restricted in its growth rate, but different, yet valuable in its own an unique way.
A Small life
A Bonsai life
A Life truly worth living (in all its restrictions)
[1: Film: You've Got Mail]
[2: Bonsai pictures used with kind permission from 'Pup' from AusBonsai.com.au]

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